Reflections about Money

For 3/4 of my adult life I’ve lived in poverty.  My impoverished life, though, was of my own making.  I was chasing a goal–education–and that was why I ended up poor.

I resented my poverty quite a bit, when I was in school.  I didn’t see why poverty was a necessary condition for education.  The English department at my university had a motto, “Going for broke!”  Back then, I spoke with a young woman once, and asked her if she were considering Ph.D. studies.  She said that she wasn’t.  When I asked her why, she replied, “I don’t want to spend the next 8 years of my life in poverty.”  However, pursuing the goal of higher education made my poverty bearable.  I had a higher purpose; it transcended the pecuniary world.  I tried to make myself feel better by thinking about Hemingway, and his poverty in Paris while he was learning to write.  Nobody likes poverty; but when one likes a calling more than money, one accepts one’s condition.

Now I have a comfortable income.  That has been for 12 years out of my 40 adult years.  I am still getting used to the feeling of having enough money, in fact more than I need.  But I am still pursuing a higher purpose, though, with my money.  I am recording a disk of my original music.  And that is draining a considerable amount of my income.  Some might consider this an extravagance, in that I’m not a professional musician and I’m not in a band.  But even as higher education is not always a money-making endeavor, but a meaningful pursuit, so music is not always a money-making endeavor, but art is a meaningful pursuit.  And without the CD project, I don’t know what I would do with the several thousands I am investing in this enterprise.  And for me, the purpose of money is to be used–not just possessed.

Most people secure gainful employment at a young age and spend most of their lives financially set.  I think self-image for many depends on money.  Sociologists have given us status labels.  They made up the categories, “upper-class; middle-class; lower-class.”  In doing so, they told us how we were to think of ourselves.  I try not to measure my self-worth by money.  But when I was an impoverished student, always riding in the back-seat of someone else’s car, not being able to buy “nice things,” not being able to take a girl out on a date, I felt worthless.  This, despite my higher calling, higher education.  My brother, a rich engineer, told me, “It’s only money.”  That didn’t help.  Now that I’m in a good financial place, I don’t think about money at all, don’t measure myself by money.

Growing up, my generation disdained money.  The rock music of my time sung songs against materialism and money (Pink Floyd wrote a song with that for a title).  We talked about love and peace; looked to get back to Nature.  Perhaps that’s why I didn’t pursue money in my life, but went for more spiritual acquisitions.  I made my bed and I’m happy to sleep in it.  Everybody makes their own bed.  They must sleep in it, and hopefully they are happy to, as I am.

CALENDAR AND SOUL

And the calendar marks another

Year, month, day, hour, minute, second

Calendar and clock

Time and the soul’s time

Long ago, a crushed career, crushed future, crushed life, carved time in my soul

Giving my soul relations

Before and after, what I am now, since

Pain

And moments at church camp, church, with pastors, watching the sun, stars, synergy at interfaith

seminars

Mark states in my soul, relations

To the material world

Calendars and clocks

Year, month, day, hour, minute, second

To meaning, moment

Revealing and retreating, manifesting and hiding

Holiness

And Blessed time with a beloved

Grandparent, parent, brother, sister, child, grandchild

Friend, colleague, fellows, congregation

Leaving lasting moods measuring remaining

Movements of the soul

Community

Meeting the world, a world of people

Success, triumph, embarrassment, achievement and failure

Summa Cum Laude, Harvard, Ph.D. articles published, a book, professor, pastor, money, poverty

Personal achievement, recognized success, successes

Status

Time marking—soul and calendar

Year, month, day, hour, minute, second

Pain, holiness, community, status

Measuring, containing, marking time

Age and state

Time and the soul

Another year today

And all that has made me

THEN I WAS HOME

I didn’t care

About anything

Anything

And I was concerned, a little scared

It is a problem

Not to care about anything

Went out to the casino

The band was faking it, playing behind canned tracks

I even heard a horn section; it wasn’t there, canned tracks

Lost at the roulette wheel

It was that kind of night

Headed to the blues club

A tolerably good band

Crowded dance floor

A funny drunk girl

Decent business guy

Some coffee

Brought me out of it

Of all things

On the way home I thought about

3 AM conversations around the campfire

At church camp

When it all comes out

And there’s just us, talking, looking at the fire

And 3 AM

Then I was home

 

 

 

Jesus Christ Superstar Revisited

I remember hitch-hiking to the lake my uncle lived on, one summer in 1970.  I got picked up by a car with four girls in it.  As a male adolescent, I couldn’t believe my good luck, riding in a car with four girls in it.  They had the car radio tuned to the FM rock station (back then there was AM radio, which played “bubble-gum” pop music, and there was FM which played acid rock like Hendrix, Clapton, Ten Years After, and Jethro Tull).  “Jesus Christ Superstar” came on the radio.  I asked the girls, “Is this Jesus Christ Superstar that everybody’s talking about?”  They didn’t know.

The fact is, everybody was talking about Jesus Christ Superstar in 1970.  It was one of the most popular rock-operas next to Tommy, by The Who.  And it launched Andrew LLoyd Webber’s illustrious career, who wrote the music for Jesus Christ Superstar.  Everybody had to have an opinion about Jesus Christ Superstar–stoners, clergy, church-goers, theater buffs, everybody across the board.  It was that much of a sensation.  Life Magazine devoted a whole issue to it.

Jesus Christ Superstar challenged religion, which happened a lot in the late ’60’s/early ’70’s.  The very title, calling Jesus a superstar, was a challenge.  And Jesus Christ Superstar was good rock music.  We listened to it over and over again because we liked the music.  But this rock-opera also took the Jesus story seriously, and engaged with the story seriously.  I remember one evening while there was a social event at our church’s divinity school.  One minister offered to listen to the whole rock-opera with any church goers who wanted to do so.  Then, after we heard the piece, he opened up the floor for questions and comments.  We took it that seriously, and the minister took it that seriously.  Some thought it was sacrilegious; some thought that it brought the Jesus story into the modern world; some thought it was a holy opera; some thought it was too strange a mixture of religion and rock.  But everyone had something to say about it.  Godspell came out later, but it wasn’t the musical masterpiece nor as sensational as was Jesus Christ Superstar.

What occasions these reminiscences is my TV.  On the retro channel, due to the Christmas season, they just played Jesus Christ Superstar.  Watching it so many years later, I had many feelings.  But I was mostly struck with the thought that they could never make this album and movie today.  Back in 1970, religion had a strong enough influence in society that you could make an album about religion, and it would mean something.  There is so much religious apathy today that Jesus Christ Superstar would largely be ignored.  And Andrrew Lloyd Webber’s career wouldn’t be launched by it today.  Consider two films, The Passion of the Christ in 2004; and The Last Temptation of Christ in 1988.  I thought I should see The Last Temptation of Christ.  It was a  shocking movie in its day because it depicted Jesus and Mary Magdalene in a sexual relationship.  I didn’t see The Passion of the Christ, and didn’t think I needed to.  These films came and went but weren’t the sensation that Jesus Christ Superstar was.  And they were only movies, they weren’t music and film and theater all, as was Jesus Christ Superstar.

It would largely be ignored today because religion is largely ignored today.  An opera that engages seriously with the Jesus story wouldn’t catch on because of the so few people who also engage seriously with the Jesus story.  Or with religion itself.  W. H. Auden writes, “But on earth indifference is the least/We have to dread from man or beast.”  I think today’s indifference to religion, though, is indeed something we do have to dread.  If we still can dread anything–other than something that threatens self-interest.  Apathy and indifference is more of a threat than we may credit it to be.  I’m glad that the abuses and ridiculous and hurtful ideas from religion are being denounced and done away with.  And if apathy is the remedy for this, well and good.  But by the same token, the bland world I am finding myself in today, is still frightening.  To me, it is a deafening silence.

In Praise of Aquaman

I just saw Aquaman and I loved it!  I like comic book movies, some more than others.  But I found Aquaman better than most of the other comic book movies.  It had a positive message; it wasn’t gratuitously dark; and it had layered plot tensions.  There were mother-son, father-son, brother-brother, master-pupil, international intrigue, and eco-justice themes all woven into a hero tale.

But was it Aquaman?  It is no coincidence that when Aquaman achieves the destined trident of power, all shout, “Hail King Arthur!”  The Aquaman movie was the Morte D’Arthur stories all woven around Aquaman.  There was Sir Gareth, or Beaumans–the naive, uncouth youth who gradually grows into one of King Arthur’s greatest knights.  There is the King Mark-Lady Isolde-Tristan love triangle.  There is Excalibur, which becomes the trident which only the true king can remove from its ancient pedestal.  There is the Mordred-Arthur conflict, only reversed as the bastard child becomes the true king.  With this difference: Aquaman has a good ending; it is not the tragedy that the Morte D’arthur is.

Aquaman affirms the best qualities of humanity: humility, parental love, selfless devotion to a great cause; peacemaking.  After so many movies plotted around revenge and personal resentments, it is refreshing to watch a movie plotted around noble virtues.  And Aquaman is a good story.  It is a long movie, but the 2 hour, 20 minutes of Aquaman held my attention.

DC Inc. came through in a big way with Aquaman.  I hope that the inspirational tone set by Aquaman is echoed in future films coming out of Hollywood.  Although critically acclaimed, No Country for Old Men was sad in every way.  I regretted the time I spent watching it.  By contrast, I was glad for every second of the 142 minutes of Aquaman, and the pleasant feelings I was left with afterward.

AND I WILL DIE WELL

The clouds disburse

Rising up out of the pit

The overmedicated haze

That kept me out of the CSU

Now my reduced prescriptions

And acupuncture herbals

Clear, sharpen my wits, which

Have almost returned as they once were

 

Is it a time to recover my chops, or not?

Or a time to sit back, reflect on when they were hot?

There was that time when all lay in front of me

So much to master, to conquer

Most of it’s past now

The challenges I’ve conquered, arts mastered

 

The future doesn’t beckon anymore

I turn within to master my passions

While the world passes by

And I’m closer to the time when I’ll die

I ponder whether I’ll die well,

As I study to live well

 

I no longer have a youth’s drive, ambition, and energy

I’ve laid my foundation, a good one

Upon which I stand, build, have built, refine, expand

I burst the bonds that have constrained my heart

As my soul breathes free, breaks free

And I will die well

The Clear Mirror of the Mind

There is a Buddhist saying that goes, “My mind is a clear mirror, I must keep it free of dust.”  That line was taken a step further with the words, “I have no mind, where can the dust gather?”  That latter line is a very high, esoteric Buddhist teaching.  It is not appropriate for me at this stage of my development.  I have a mind.  And I have lately been watching it.  I’m discovering the value of keeping the mirror of my mind clear.

It’s easy to allow petty grievances and resentments to fill our mind.  We can dwell on bad experiences, arguments in the past we are carrying on in the present, reasons to think ill of our neighbor, even think ill of our friends and intimates.  But lately, I’ve been trying to interrupt these movements of the mind.  I am realizing that my mind is a clear mirror that must be kept free of dust.  It is just as easy to fill the mind with pleasant thoughts, with happy truths, with friendly ideas.

The present is all we have.  I am realizing that I want to live in a pleasant present, not one filled with uncomfortable thoughts.  I think of that Yes lyric, “There’ll be no mutant enemy we shall certify.”  Do I have enemies?  Not in my living room.  Not when my partner and I are out on a date.  Why rehearse past grievances or past enmities in the present?  There are those words, “Be as prudent as serpents but as gentle as doves.”  While I need to protect myself against enemies, I don’t need to replay in my mind their past actions against me.  In fact, the less I think about my own issues, the better I feel.  When my mind and my actions are on how I can make the world around me better, or manifest goodness in my present, I find I feel better.  One miserable day I had an unpleasant morning, lost some money at the casino, and was feeling bad about myself.  On my way home, I stopped at a convenience store.  A man there asked me for some money to buy a coffee.  I never give out money, but I went into the convenience store with the man and gave the clerk the money for his coffee.  The clerk thanked me, the man thanked me twice, and I felt good about losing another dollar for this man.  Losing a hundred dollars at the casino just made me mad, while losing another dollar for the coffee redeemed the day.  It is my choice whether I will dwell on the money I lost at the casino and get mad, or dwell on the dollar I gave the man for coffee and feel good.  And so in all the other affairs of my life.  Having a mind like a clear mirror free of dust isn’t a bad way to go through life.  It’s a good present.

Religion and the Onslaught of the ’60’s

In the movie MASH Hawkeye observes Major Frank Burns praying, and remarks, “Have you ever seen this syndrome before?”  Duke replies, “Not in someone over the age of eight.”  That interchange captures the spirit of the late ’60’s/late ’70’s.  Irreverent, anti-authority, self-confident, free love,–and in the movie, elitist.

I grew up in the ’60’s/’70’s and feel that there is much to be treasured from that era, now gone.  Peace and love, philosophy, self-reliance, music, freedom, individuality.  But along with these ideals, this idealistic time, came the kind of spirit that MASH captures so well.  Religion is ridiculed and the religious Frank Burns is an intolerable character.

Where so we go from there?  The spirit of the ’60’s/’70’s declared religion to be childish and ridiculous, and irreverent camaraderie to be the virtue of the day.  I think society bought it, and that those values persist today.  People turn to pop-culture to find behavioral norms and proprieties.  And for some, probably a lot, there is no place for prayer, no use for prayer.

Churches are failing, even synagogues and mosques are seeing diminution in attendance.  A while back I thought we are in a “post-Christian” age.  Now I see it as a “post-religious” age.  Even the “spiritual-but-not-religious” demographic is less than half of North American culture, and only a fraction of the population in Europe.

Certainly there were bad ideas in religions.  Certainly there were abuses of power.  Certainly there was hypocrisy.  But religion also contributed some of society’s most glorious cultural artworks, literature, philosophy, and, of course, theology.  The religious and spiritual impulse is a beautiful aspect in the human situation.  It makes the psyche sing.  It gives us honesty, sincerity, generosity, care for others, the quest for truth, repentance and human perfection, and ecstasy.  Without spirituality, what are we left with?

“But on earth indifference is the least/We have to dread from man or beast,” the poet W. H. Auden writes.  I don’t know.  I fear indifference.  I can’t but feel that the indifference to religion and even spirituality is numbing society.  We’re getting bland to everything, getting bland.  And we are retreating into tribes.  Instead of spiritual community that reaches out to the stranger and foreigner, we are retreating into tribes that close off the other.  We ignore religion to the peril of the loving community that the world can be.  While religion is often castigated for causing wars, I think that the lack of genuine religion is causing us to be more xenophobic and antagonistic to the other.  Will the indifference of our age ever produce another work like Beethoven’s 9th?  Will we ever know again the peace that passes understanding?  Will we ever again sing, “Love divine!  All loves excelling!”

Parliament 4–The People You Meet

Sometimes what happens in the hallways between seminars at the Parliament of the World’s Religions is as valuable as what happens in the seminars themselves.  The very first day, I had delightful conversations with a few people in the convention centre lobby while we were looking over the 380-page program guide.  One couple from Washington State told me that they were from the Unity tradition, among other interfaith groups.  I asked them how their church was doing.  “If by ‘church’ you mean what is tied to a building, that might be a question; but if you mean ‘church’ as a movement, I’d say it’s doing wonderfully well.”  Already, I’d learned something.  From my own tradition, I thought about what Swedenborg calls the New Church.  Swedenborgians understand the New Church, described in Revelation 21 as a bride coming down from heaven, to be a world-wide movement.  An end time when the whole earth will be spiritually enlightened.  So when I heard my new acquaintance talking about religion as a movement, and that it is going wonderfully well, I felt relief and encouragement.  We were joined by another couple who were interfaith ministers.  They said that their outlook on religion is “not ‘instead-of,’ but rather, ‘in addition to.’”  By that I understood varieties of religion to supplement each other, rather than compete with each other for who’s right is righter than who’s.  One of the impromptu group that had gathered noticed that I had “Rev.” on my nametag.  She asked me what faith tradition I came from.  This afforded me the opportunity to once again, as with so many other religion conferences, introduce Swedenborg to people who hadn’t heard of him.

On another occasion, I had a delightful conversation with the former Episcopalian Bishop of the State of California.  His title, which I noticed from the business card he handed me, is “Right Reverend.”  He began our chat with the words, “I used to be important!”  We then launched into a side-splitting conversation about ecclesiastical titles.  I mentioned that I had attended a service at Westminster Abbey which was led by a “Very Reverend.”  The Right Reverend said that that meant he was Dean of the Cathedral.  We talked about how one addresses personages like the Very Reverend.  One calls them titles like, Excellency, Your Grace, or in the Orthodox Tradition, Metropolitan.  The conversation drifted to “high church” and “low church.”  One Anglican church was using candles inappropriately.  They were directed to stop using candles because they were not high church.  I asked, “You mean that the Church tells you whether you are high church or low church?!”  The Right Reverend said, “It isn’t mentioned.  It’s something you just know without being told.”  Then he wanted to get back to the subject of titles.  He said that he was in Istanbul meeting high churchmen of the Orthodox tradition.  He told me that he had someone whispering in his ear, telling him how to address the distinguished priests he was meeting.  One was, “Your excellency.”  Another was, “Metropolitan.”  Then a priest came up with a beard and mustache and The Right Reverend was told he was to be addressed as, “Bad Attitude.”  I laughed, but not sufficiently, so the Right Reverend had to explain, “He meant, ‘Beatitude, not Bad Attitude.”  Now I really laughed.  The Right Reverend went on, “I couldn’t even look at him with a straight face after that.”  I asked, “You mean that really happened!?  It wasn’t just a joke?”  “Yes, it really happened.”  The Right Reverend said he was good friends with the Archbishop of Canterbury.  The very Archbishop who had performed the wedding of Prince Charles and Lady Dianna Spenser.  Later, on a visit to the US, the Archbishop wanted to see the Liberty Bell.  Dressed in a suit and tie, not in his clerics, the Archbishop was waiting in line to see the Liberty Bell, and an American struck up a conversation with him.  “I can tell y’all are from England.  Great country.  I watched the royal wedding on TV.  I had a great view with the cameras and all.  Did you get a good look at them?”  “It was as if I was standing right in front of them.”

Asked what denomination I was with, I said Swedenborgian.  The Right Reverend told me that he lived just a few blocks from the Swedenborgian Church at Pacific Heights, California.  I didn’t lose a minute before I informed the Right Reverend that Robert Frost had been baptized in that very church.  No one at the table had any idea.

I couldn’t believe that I was having this conversation about titles in such a light, funny way with one who actually has one of them.  I think of Episcopalians as being staid and formal.  And I especially think of Episcopalian bishops as being even more so.  I had no idea I would meet such a hilarious, personable guy as I found the Right Reverend to be.

Meeting people can be better than reading books, if one has an interest in different religions.  Experiences like the above only happen at interfaith gathering such as the Parliament of the World’s Religions, or another organization I like to attend called North American Interfaith Network.  Reflecting back, just meeting so many interesting, inspiring, delightful people in seminars or informally in hallways or exhibit spaces is something special about interfaith events.  The Parliament is not only seminars, lectures, and guided meditations.  It’s engaging personal encounters, too.  Like the Right Reverend, or my acquaintances from Washington, to mention just a few of many.

Back home, at a casino of all places, I was wearing the Tibetan prayer beads I bought in the exhibit hall where I met the Right Reverend.  A casino employee we had gotten to know over time asked my girlfriend about the necklace, since she hadn’t seen me wear them before (and they are unusual and striking).  This afforded me the opportunity to talk about the Parliament.  When I mentioned guided meditation, which I experienced there, our friend said that she would be interested in that.  She added some remarks about a drumming circle she goes to led by an Indigenous woman I hadn’t met, nor was even aware of.  There are also courses by donation in Indigenous Medicine offered by a Shaman, and guided journeys (which I took to be what I understand the Vision Quest to be), our friend added.  I had been trying to learn about Indigenous spirituality, and meeting with only moderate success.  Was this Shaman a way in?  In any event, a new experience opened up to me, in the drumming circle and Shaman course here in my own town!  This, just by meeting and talking at a public venue about the Parliament of the World’s Religions.  One just never knows about people, does one?

Parliament 3–The Star Teaching

For an hour and a half, I was afforded a glimpse into the world of First Nations.  I attended a talk about the Star Teachings from an elder of the Mi’kmoq Nation, David Sanipass.  When I went to the seminar, I thought I was going to hear some ancient First Nations lore and stories.  I was waiting the whole time for the Star Teachings.  Instead, his wife opened the seminar by telling a story.  She said that David had encouraged her to go to the bank with a twenty-dollar bill she had, and change it into single dollars.  Then she was to start giving away the dollar bills.  That proved more difficult than she had imagined.  She went to a grocery store and tried to give the cashier a dollar.  But the cashier exclaimed, “I can’t take that!  I’d get fired!  But you could go to the next cash register and give it to the woman in line there.”  So she did.  Then she went around the store giving out the dollars.  In the long run, giving these dollars out got people talking about why she was doing it.  It transformed the whole atmosphere of the store.  While she was telling her story, I was waiting for the Elder to start talking.  And I was waiting for the Star Teachings.

The Elder did speak.  He opened with a 24,000-year-old story about Creation.  As he spoke, the Elder would pick up his flute and play tunes.  The story began before Creation.  There was a great bird who had the most wonderful song.  Since humans couldn’t speak, the bird was going to give them the gift of his song.  But his grandfather came to earth in the form of an old man and coaxed the humans into talking.  The bird got mad, thinking himself duped, and decided to hide his song in a cedar tree at the centre of a swamp.  He returned to the swamp later, but couldn’t find his song.  David asked his father if that was a true story, or just a legend.  His father told him to go to the swamp and listen.  He did, but a woodpecker kept pecking at the tree.  This bothered young David because it was interfering with the song he was trying to hear from the primordial Great Bird.  But when a woodpecker pecks a tree, he makes holes in it, like the holes in a flute.  Young David missed the song.

David told two more stories.  One about him giving last rights to a woman pinned in an overturned car.  When he was young, David had been authorized to give the Catholic Last Rites.  Once, there was a woman pinned in a car that had overturned from an auto accident.  David climbed in the car and gave the woman the Last Rites.  All the while, gasoline was dripping onto his shirt, and the First Responders tried to get him to leave the overturned car before it exploded.  “No,” David said.  He stayed with the woman until she went into infinity, back to the stars.

His last story was the longest.  It was about a bear hunt.  Feeling excluded from the other elders at a story-telling gathering, because he didn’t have white hair, David went to an elder for advice.  “Go on a bear hunt,” the elder said.  David decided he would shoot the bear with a camera.  Trying to photograph a bear, despite the dangers, occasioned many hilarious adventures.  The story ends with David running from the bear which he awoke with the flash from his camera, running through the forest and getting bent double by running into a fallen tree, climbing another tree to escape the bear.  But the bear sniffed and followed him through the field, climbed up the tree and stared him face to face.  The bear talked, “You lost your camera when you ran into the tree in the forest, I came to return it to you.”  So saying the bear climbed down the tree and walked into the forest.  Shaking with fear, David discovered that the film had all fallen out of the camera.  When he got home, David looked in a mirror and saw that he had white hair!  He held the whole lecture hall in rapt attention.  In the telling of his story, David had carried us all into a special collective experience of love and interconnectedness.  By the time the bear hunt story was over, we’d run out of time.

David said he would give us the Star Teaching.  All he said was, “Don’t let the moment end now.  Bring this message out into the world.”  I was left to wonder what the Star Teaching is.  What I came up with, and I’m not sure I got it right, was that David’s wife’s story about giving away dollar bills, and the story about staying with the woman in the overturned car, and the bear hunt were all the Star Teachings.  It is a teaching about love.  It is a teaching about going out of our way to bring love into the moment, onto earth.  It was about the power we have to make the world a more loving place.

I was personally and professionally transformed by my experiences at the Parliament of the World’s Religions.  And I have more experiences to narrate in the upcoming days.  After the intense seminars, the guided Vedanta meditations, the Indigenous stories, the Nithya healing I underwent, I came away a different person.  It will take some time to integrate everything I learned with my own Swedenborgian faith tradition.  For learning something new, even personal transformation, doesn’t mean abandoning what we know about religion.  Rather, it means accommodating, and integrating it all together.

I’ve been practicing my understanding of the Star Teachings lately.  I’ve been buying food for homeless men, confronted convenience store clerks who didn’t understand why I was doing it, meeting the barrister at my local coffee shop, trying to make all my relations a real human interaction.  Spreading the message of love, the Star Teachings as I understood them.

I knew these teachings from my Christian background.  But for some reason, they never spoke to me the way they did when David Sanipass spoke.  Hadn’t Jesus said, “Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. . . . But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High” (Luke 6:30-35).  For some reason, it took David’s stories to energize me to act.

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